I just said probably one of the most ridiculous things via text that I had ever said in my life.
I said I wish I had taken less risk.
Maybe I should have just stayed a preschool teacher.
Not gone on the race.
I’d have more of career, maybe more stability, less dreams, more foundations.
I could be right now sitting in my apartment in Orange County.
Maybe having just gone shopping or something, anything that was Saturday normal.
But instead, I’m sitting outside on my old trampoline at my parents house.
Reading and also staring at my journal because if I’m being honest?
I’m kind of afraid to pour my thoughts into at the moment.
Because I’m terrified.
I’m scared of what people will think when I tell them.
I’m not ready to settle down and get a job.
God’s plans aren’t that for me right now.
I’ve actually been sitting on my hands for about a week out of terror.
Because I know what’s next.
I know that God has put a plan, a vision in my heart and a way to get there.
And it’s terrifying.
Because it doesn’t involve getting a “real job” right now.
It doesn’t involve staying in the states.
It doesn’t involve anything emotionally easy.
It involves more learning, more growing, more being stretched and torn apart.
It involves raising money
It involves pouring my heart out to try to help people understand the why.
It involves going to Spain for 6 month and being apart of a leadership community called G42.
I remember that sound.
It’s the sound I made when I finally came out about the World Race last year.
It’s the sound of a release of emotions bottled up inside for so long that I honestly didn’t know what to do with them.
It’s a sound that holds my dreams and visions for getting and grasping onto the tools that will empowering me to help remind others that hope is a verb.
It’s the sound of someone who is choosing to allow herself to be launched without much to grasp on herself.
It the sound of someone who is choosing to not be afraid anymore of what others say.
And the sound of someone who can’t believe she even for a second regretted the one thing that changed her life for the good.
I’ll be talking more about G42 soon.
If you have questions, comments or want to learn ways you can partner with me, please let me know.
I just had to get this out there. Not be held down by fear or confusion, but choose to walk in the peace of mind that God has given me.
And for my friends, for those I love and cherish that I haven’t told about this: Please forgive me for letting the few naysayers and pessimistic people I have told get in the way of telling you, the ones who have always supported me and stood by me.
(and HERE is a video a short video with a glimpse into the heart of G42)
4 responses to “the one in which my heart goes “whoosh””
Of course it’s scary! That’s like the first sign it might be a God! What you are doing is awesome. Don’t let anyone/thing tell you otherwise. Your stepping out in relationship with Jesus…your just in the process of wondering if He’s going to catch you. May I remind you of the $15,500+ He GAVE you last year?
God is love, right? John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He GAVE…” Love gives. He’ll show up.
Furthermore what would you be doing if you hadn’t gone on the race? Living a mundane lifestyle and secretly desiring more? Don’t sell yourself short of the lifestyle He is giving you! Jesus paid the highest price so that you could step out of the old and mundane and into the new that you were created to be. To strive fir anything else than that or to say/believe/think you are worth anything less than that is a slap in the face to Jesus. Harsh words, but SO true.
That being said, go. Be free. Be in your life as Betsy would say. Things aren’t going to be easy when following Him, He promised us that. But when we step out into what He’s calling us to, we’ll be more alive than we ever could imagine.
Love you Megs! I can’t wait to see how you grow out of this incredible opportunity! Keep doing the hard and scary things because those are the things God will use most to shape and grow you. Love you friend!
The wind is blowing here, Meg. It amazes me that the thing the Lord speaks to you through and about is the wind. And he’s blowing you here to Mijas. Where the wind is blowing. Where the wind blows so loud on the mountain. Where if you hear Him in the wind, then I promise you He is waiting here.
I love you. See you in a few weeks. or more.
Thank you so so much for your honesty!! I am leaving teaching this year after 17 years in the classroom to , ummm, well…. to write and figure out what God is going to do with this crazy passion He has built up in me that is so ready to overflow I can hardly contain myself. I don’t know where He’s going with this. I mean, I kind of know, but I know He knows. And the crazy thing is, I have peace about it!! Peace about quitting a perfectly good job where my friends are, where I love my students, where my child goes to school. Peace. More. Excitement. Joy, as if for the first time ever I’ve finally surrendered to the unknown that is God’s plan instead of trying to do what seems logical, responsible. I am totally dependent on Him. I have already published a book that, truth be told, was read by more people in the free days on kindle than on the days it was up for sale. But it’s there. He’s here and it’s His thing and I’m just waiting, listening, working, trying to stay on this path of dependence on Him instead of forging my own way through. I am so encouraged and blessed by what you have shared. Thank you! You have my prayers!