Due to the fact that my friend Santiago has a countdown to traveling to see his girlfriend that happens to fall on the same day that I leave Spain for the states I know exactly how many days I have left.
But I’m going to pretend I don’t.
Let’s just say I don’t have a lot of time left here and I’ve realized something very, very important:
I have some SERIOUS giants to slay in the next (insert how many days I have left here).
I guess I should go back.
January 2012. The first sermon of the new year was about the giants in the promised land and how Joshua & Caleb were “of a different spirit”. That was my, “Oh crap. I need to quit my job. I need to move on to the next. I need to jump” sermon.
And that was not the last time I’ve heard that message over the last 2.5 years. It peppered talks on the World Race and now here in Spain it’s laced into most week’s topics. Being of a different spirit. Stepping into the river and taking what’s mine.
The last 2.5 years in my life have been wilderness years. They’ve been full of adventure, provision, wisdom and an immense amount of preparation.
At this very moment I’m standing on the edge of the river bed and I can see the Promised Land.
And I think part of me has already touched the water. I might be standing ankle deep. And I can see these giants.
From far away they look scary. Gnashing teeth and fierce eyes. They are ready to kick me down and tell me that I’m not meant for greatness. That the land isn’t mine. That I’ve survived on garlic and onions and I should keep it that way.
They have names written across their chest.
Unworthiness. Lack of trust. Invisibility. Independent. Stubborn. Burden.
These words scream at me daily.
These words need to go to hell.
These words are “fundamental truths” in my life. They pepper the foundation of who I am. They are the scope of which I view myself. They are words from which I’m able to emotionally detach myself. I pretend//act like, they don’t effect me in anyway. I’m able to get beyond them, but in reality they are still there.
May I repeat?
These words need to go to hell.
I don’t want to live cowering in the shallow end of the river not walking the rest of the way to the Promise Land because these giants are kicking back and drinking my good coffee in the place I belong while I sit sipping instant coffee.
I don’t want to leave Spain with these giants still in front of me. Now, I’m not saying once I slay all these giants my promised land won’t be have hardship or hurt or I won’t struggle with lies.
But I won’t struggle with THOSE lies anymore.
They are going to find a final resting place in the south of Spain.
That’s what I’m going to be doing these next several weeks.
Continuing the process of choosing to slay giants because I’m choosing to see and claim my promise land.
Two and half years ago I realized I wanted to be of a different spirit.
And today, sitting in a cafe, drinking my good coffee, I choose to make that decision again.
2 responses to “don’t drink my coffee”
meeeeeegaroni. I’m glad you pulled your NF self out of the clouds and named those giants. I am also glad that I live here next to you… and all this says to me is we have some dates coming up in the next six weeks. And while they may include the occasional bean game, they’re really going to be filled with the grit. Let’s go kill some orks.
“Two and half years ago I realized I wanted to be of a different spirit.
And today, sitting in a cafe, drinking my good coffee, I choose to make that decision again.”