I don’t always speak.

I don’t always write what I feel I should. {I mean, I also don’t always say what I should}

This is for a lot of reasons. Sometimes it’s because I don’t think that I can adequately explain why something is important, or why I believe what I believe with written words or with out specific questions. I don’t always write about revelations and triumphs in my life because they aren’t for everyone to hear, they are sometimes for me, sometimes for my home team and those like them and sometimes for the people who are in authority over me.

I also don’t always write what I want to write because to me words are some of most powerful weapons we have. And if I put it on paper for others to read it makes it real, more vulnerable and way, way more out there.

My brain is currently full of a lot of incomplete sentences. The last four months have felt like a lot and nothing at all. I find myself apart of a place, a family, a community, a home, a table that means so much to me. That I trust. It’s all very, very new to me; this trust.

{{TRUST: (n/v) the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
–a hope//expectation–to have faith or confidence}}

Trust is a weighty word. Have you ever truly thought of that? We are a people who throw words out like they are free; trust, love, safe. We can easily open ourselves up for hurt by using those words to quickly or not quickly enough.

Those are the words we stop ourselves from using.

But what about words like dumb, stupid, fat, ugly, hopeless?

I went through a long road of recognizing that words and phrases that had been spoken over me needed to be shaken off and thrown away. There were a lot of them and some of them still effect me and still cause me to be put in a place that is not the most fun.

Have you ever thought about that silly little rhyme “stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”? And yet we use words to instill in our loved ones how much we love them, care for them, and are there for them. So why wouldn’t the opposite side of those words hurt as much as the positive ones help?

As you can tell the power of words has been mulling around in my brain as prophecy and words of encouragement and of course, speaking to sweet one year olds all day and instilling vocabulary, positivity and safety through my voice.

I have always known the importance of words and for the last year, since a certain Irishman rattled some truth into my being, realized that I have powerful, rock-breaking words inside me.

I haven’t been writing a lot lately. And this whole time I’ve thought it’s because I haven’t had the words, but in reality I have had too many swimming through my brain.

And goodness, that’s ok.

I’m getting over not writing what I think I shouldn’t write. My discernment is moving and broadening and the words that hurt me are fading faster then they had before.

All this to say is this: watch this space for more.

The more is coming and it’s coming with words.

One response to “I don’t always speak.”

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