2015: I didn’t need a passport.

On the last day of the year I always write and post a blog about the year. It’s not as much for people to read as it is for myself to look back on and see where I’ve come from. 
2015 was a doozy people. It was only the second year out of the last 5 that I haven’t internationally traveled. It was the 3rd out of the last four that I have flown to Georgia. It was the third out of the last four that I’ve spent time in Kingsburg. And it was the second year in a row I split my time between two very different places. 6 months in Kingsburg and 6 in Bellingham. And man, were both times full of all the things. Today as I was walking home (practically in tears mind you from exhaustion), I was pondering what I’ve learned the most, what has sunk the deepest into my being and I was honestly surprised at the words that popped into my head.

Tribe. Hometeam. Covenant.

I learned about all of those things in 2014. I sat in classes that taught about covenant, learned what it meant to be apart of a tribe and then had to leave all of those people.

2015 started with going back to a lot of physical places and officially saying goodbye and letting go. The one that hit the strongest was saying goodbye and letting go of Orange County. That was hard. It wrecked me to see how far I’d grown away from that place.

And then I came back to Kingsburg. And actually it held a lot of loveliness and a lot of healing. The second prior to Spain had been the worst period of time I had ever had in Kingsburg. And the time from February to July was restoring in ways I never though possible.

And then there was Bellingham.

Egads. Getting on the plane in Fresno to go to Seattle was one of the most terrifying plane rides to date (And probably the shortest). And then I was in Washington and in a car with my friend Patrick whom I’d never met traveling to a city I’d never been to, to a house I was already renting.

To stay. To build. To dream.

I’ve been in Bellingham for (almost) six months now. Working, living life with all the people around me, freezing in the tundra that is western Washington.

And I want to say that I love it, that it’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my life.

But I can’t. I cannot say that all these decisions are the best I’ve ever made, because honestly that might not be 100% true.

It’s been hard, I’ve felt disconnect and comparison and like less of myself then I have ever been. I work a job I rarely feel qualified for and I, at least once a week, question whether I actually hear God’s voice because I am surrounded by powerful people.

I cry more then I ever have (I mean, I am crying right now).

And that brings me back to:

Tribe. Hometeam. Covenant.

Without having those pieces, those people I wouldn’t be able to do life through this year.

Because of tribe, I made the decision to have a plan for this year.

Because of covenant I stuck to it.

And because of my hometeam I get through the days where I feel inadequate, feel less than, when I feel not enough.

“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.” {Matthew 5:14-16 the message}

So here is to 2016.
A year full of tribe and hometeam and covenant.

A year of new dreams and plans and visions.

A year of more space for all the things.


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