I will never be her. With her poise and command.
With the fear washed out of her eyes.
I will never be of her structure and frame.
With grace and fluidity in each step.
I will never have her beauty.
Eyes will never second look at me.
I will never be someone’s everything like she is.
I will never be someone’s “I will never be that”
This is a black hole.
One moment of comparison lends to 15 minutes, hours, years of self-doubt and second guessing.
Comparison has started to be a more prevalent fixture rather than passing shadow in my life.
It’s normally not in the frame of reference of looks for me, but other areas of life.
Writing about comparison though as a female feels cliche. When men write about it’s very much like those pictures of celebrities going grocery shopping without make up on in people.
“Celebrities: they are just like us”.
But, when a woman writes about it, it seems like it’s just lost in the white noise of life.
Comparing and categorizing is an issue that’s so prevalent in today’s society.
But I ask the question: how are we supposed to not compare?
We do it everyday.
That apple or this apple, coffee from Starbucks or coffee from Woods, reading labels and comparing prices and fits and pros and cons list.
It’s in our minds and how we view so many things in this world.
So why does it surprise us that is so easy to compare people?
I try to trick myself into thinking I don’t compare myself with other people that often. But even choosing to look up to someone can lead you to comparison.
Turning to comparison can look differently in everyone’s life. It can make some bitter and hateful. Unable to celebrate victories, incapable of seeing joy in their own life.
I will be the first to admit that those things have all appeared in my life.
What I’ve noticed lately is that I choose NOT to hang out with people when I’m feeling extra compar-y inside. I choose to stay away from places where I can see what I am without.
As in I’d not be around the people that cause my mind to go to a place that I don’t like.
Neither options are good; the comparison or the lack of people.
Now, I’m not saying that everyone time I’m with people I am creating a laundry list of what I am lacking-I’m saying that when I’m tired and worn out and burned out it becomes so easy to sink into using other people’s lives as one of those mirrors that show all my flaws.
I’m living in a season right now that has a little more anxiety then normal, more tiredness, feeling less successful. And this makes it so easy for comparison to fill in the holes and gaps in my life for why things don’t feel in place. (It makes it so easy for fear to creep in-but that’s another story).
What I should say right now is a fluffy Jesus statement about comparing and about how I should choose to see myself a certain way blah blah blah and things will come in time yadda yadda.
But, obviously I’m not going to say that.
What I am going to say is this:
I bet you can’t get through the day without comparing SOMETHING: be it an apple, a coffee, a label.
So, when your mind falls into the comparison trap of one human to another- don’t beat yourself up.
Instead, take a deep breath and shake it off. Everything around in this world wants to divide us by comparing ourselves or creating an us and them. Or fill the space of people who feel bad about doing it.
Give comparison space to happen, compare prices, restaurants (like, I’m sorry guys, I won’t ever pick Jalepenos) and the way a shirt fits, but when comparison starts to separate you from yourself; take a moment and see what good it brings.
If the comparison brings nothing good, don’t fill your life that.
My comparing black holes don’t bring life or good. But, I can tell you, it’s still going to happen.
But, what I am going (try) to do is use comparison to point out my similarities with people. I am going to remember story and hope that I can filter out the comparison that doesn’t bring my soul life.
So please, compare, highlight similarities you have with people to bring you closer to their story. Find common ground to stand on to hear the ways in which you are different. How someone got from point A to point B. Hear the story of how even though you think their nose is perfect, they’ve always struggled with its shape.
Compare your common ground first.
See what happens.