I knew when I got home today after the first free Wednesday I’ve had in awhile that I needed to write. Part of that is because the people I was with have the habit of helping stir words around for me and part of that is because I knew I needed to take a quiet moment for myself.

When I don’t want to write words or when I feel as if I have nothing to contribute to any conversation is when I realize I actually should be writing. I should be finding the space and time to plop some words down and ship them off to see if anyone feels like I door even just so simply, a year from now I can come back to these words and see if I’ve grasped something I didn’t grasp before.

Yesterday, I said to a friend via text that it felt as if I had spent the last few months climbing a mountain only to find myself back at the bottom of a hill needing to climb up again.

And honestly, I’m tired.

Now, here’s the thing, I can easily and effortlessly disclaim away the things and thoughts in my brain right now. I could absolutely tell myself I have friends who are in much worse places right now and I could shut my computer and be done with it.

But, instead, I’m choosing to grit my teeth and look at this computer and admit some things to myself; to you and maybe it will give you the permission and space to do the same.

And maybe, admitting those things to ourselves will keep us from jumping down wells to try to find the bottom that isn’t there.

That, of course, if you’re not new here, brings me to the movie the Labyrinth. Because the minute I had the picture of falling down a well, I thought of all the times the character Sarah falls down holes, or wells, or what have you and ends up further from where she was (or sometimes, closer, she just doesn’t know it).

I feel as if I’ve jumped into a few metaphorical wells lately in hopes that it will bring me back to a place I’ve been before or at least to a place that I can feel like I have footing.

I’ve jumped in a few metaphorical wells lately because I’m a bit nervous at the things that I believe I’m supposed to be saying and doing and if I could just move back a few steps maybe I’ll find my strength in doing the path again.

But, that’s the thing about trying to re-do a path again; you can’t. No matter what the path won’t be the same and you won’t be the same.

Right now the path I need to be walking down is one where I use my voice and say the things I need to say.

I need to say them again and again.

It’s simply high time for me to speak again.

I need to choose to climb the hill in front of me even though I’m tired and I need to find a way to believe in what’s been placed in my hand.

If none of this made sense; fine.

If it all did; great.

If you feel like you’ve been trying to jump down into a well to start over; I get it.

And if you feel like all you’ve been doing lately is climbing mountains; know that I am here- with you.

With love,

Meg