I’ve lived a lot of life with the persistent fear that I’m letting people down. 

And to be completely and utterly honest I’ve lived the last three years mostly with the gut wrenching fear that I’m letting my mom down with every step I take.

That I haven’t been strong enough, smart enough. That I’m not able to take care of myself.

That I’m not making her proud and that she’s be so disappointed in all the ways I’ve failed.

And I know that all sounds so heavy but if we don’t ever let the heavy things out than all we will do is let them continually weigh us down.

I feel as if I have a lot of evidence in my life of all the ways I’ve been chosen last, been written off a list, not been enough for the people I wanted to be enough for.

That I’m literally just right outside the map with no way if knowing how to be apart of the journey again.

When I was in Ecuador on one of the first days of the world race myself and my team of 6 other women were handed a map of how to get to where we needed to go.

The issue was the place we were and the place we were going weren’t actually on the map- the map was the middle.

We just had to choose to go off and get to the middle without actually having the tools.

And right now, in the moment, I feel like that again. Like I’m looking at a map and I have to get to the end without all the information.

And I feel like I’ve already failed.

I know it’s not true.

I know that I’m not always letting people down.

I know I’m not a last choice.

I know that no one actually has a complete map.

Lately, the heavy has been more heavy than I know what to do with.

And hope feels like fireworks in the distance that is gone in a flash.

But, if there is anything I know that is true it’s that we have to choose to face the lies and the words that go against who we are. We have to not be afraid of them.

We have to stare them in the face.

So that’s what I’m doing right now.

Staring the words in the face that become ticker tape on my brain sometimes.

Staring them in the face because the more I do the more I realize they are untrue.

Want to join me?

Want to stare the things in the face that feel so true until you realize they are mirage that flickers off in the distance?

And let’s replace it all with what is true and full of gritty steadfast hope.

That’s all.

With love,

Meg