When I first started thinking about my word for 2024, I quickly heard the words “build again”.
And then I quickly said “well, no”.
While part of me said nope because of a deep need to not feel like I was just re-doing 2023, I also said nope because it didn’t settle to my toes. The words didn’t make me go “yep, that’s it”
So, I’ve just been waiting.
Waiting to see if something popped up, or if I had a word highlighted to me.
Thus far, in 2024, I’ve just been trying to take care of me. I’ve eaten dinner every night, done skin care, tried to drink more water. I have just been moving in a forward direction.
I don’t in any way shape or form want to do anything from last year AGAIN.
I’m a human who is very passionate about how we are constantly changing. You can’t really go back to someone you were in the before because of all you’ve become since then. I try to lean strong in to the not having of regrets. I don’t think “everything happens for a reason” but I do believe you can use everything that happens for a reason.
So, today, sitting in church I kept writing the words “again and again” over and over.
I was stuck on the phrase. Again and Again.
I got to thinking about my preschoolers when they would do something that would spark joy or laughter, or when we’d listen to a song or story they love, there would quickly be an “Again!”. I think, looking back to even my one year olds; again is a word that quickly comes after the word ‘more’. Again provides better context for what they want and the repetition that they get when the word is used.
Tiny humans use again for hope and joy and laughter.
Then I thought of training or rehearsing or anything where you need a repetition of movement to get better or stronger.
“Again!”
It’s a command. A word that says so much with only two syllables.
Again circles back into the conversation when you’re going through something. This summer when I was dealing with vertigo and unable to hold anything down I went about 14 hours without throwing up when I moved. But, towards the end of the evening on a Sunday, I got up to go to the bathroom and I threw up- and I remember tears falling down my face and saying the phrase, “not again”.
So, needless to say, ‘again’ circling through my brain has been something I haven’t wanted to look in the face.
The past week we’ve had snow, I’ve been staying home and I’ve been cleaning and organizing and cooking.
And the world around me has, for the first time in a while, started to feel like home.
Home; again.
And I made the realization that maybe, just maybe, my word isn’t build again, or live again, or home again.
Maybe it’s just _________ again.
Blank again.
I feel a bit like I was holding a deck of cards and I dropped them all.
But instead of suits and numbers they hold words.
Write, build, dance, home, sing, rest, laugh, smile.
The cards hold pieces of who I am that I’ve lost along the way the last few years.
And its time to pick them up again.
It doesn’t mean that I’m going back to what I was or repeating what I’ve done.
It’s just time to be Meg again in ways I’ve forgotten, in places I’ve missed, in spaces I need to show up in again.
So this year, again and again, I’ll move. I’ll pick up cards.
I’ll find myself walking forward with who I am and what I’m about.
Again and again.
With love,
Meg
she writes on sundays 