OR

The more aptly named:

 I am almost out of my twenties and I have NEVER written a blog on marriage (part one)

I’m actually insanely proud of myself.

I went through the entire World Race without ever writing a blog on singleness, relationships or marriage. (Also: Team Leader, I didn’t break your rule…)

Not that it surprises me at all.

I don’t know if I have ever written a blog on any of those topics.

Not saying that I don’t enjoy reading them or get something out of them. I’ve read a few this week and of course that’s why the subject is in my head.

I just wanted to finally come out and say it.

I don’t know if I want to get married.

There

It’s a weird sentence to type knowing that I am going to publish it online for all the world (or at least the 5 people that subscribe to my blog thus far) to read.

I know what you’re going to say:

Of course you want to get married.

You’re just saying that because you haven’t

found the right guy.

You must just be bitter.

There’s a guy out there for everyone.

Or

(and I cringe)

Maybe singleness is what God has called you too.

 

Oh lord.

Or if you’re my friend Catherine you call me OUT on the statement.

But Catherine’s not here right now.

So I want to explain.

I think as a child, I probably played wedding once or twice, forcing the little boy across the street to marry me in my grandma’s front yard while I held a bouquet of fall leaves and marched down the perfect sidewalk aisle.

But I don’t think I’ve ever planned MY wedding.

Yes, pinterest gives me grand ideas that I think are cute.

Yes I have a wedding board.

Yes, I’ve been in, planned and coordinator more weddings then I care to admit.

Yes I always just say I am going to elope.

 But do I know FOR SURE that I want to get married?

I just don’t know.

There are so many reasons that float in my brain as to WHY I think I might not want to get married.

I remember a moment a couple years ago, I was discussing potential ideas for ministries, for things I wanted to do. And I the thought crossed my brain…oh I need to get married for that. It caused me to stop in my tracks…

I don’t need to wait. I can just do.

I don’t need marriage to live my life for Christ.

I’m actually thankful that I’m not saying I don’t want to get married out of spite of marriage.

Most of my FAVORITE people in life are married couples (I’m looking at you Peck’s, Garmon’s, Sherman’s, Wayman’s,…and SO MANY OTHERS).

I love these kingdom people so much. I respect their relationships and what they do together for God.

But I just don’t know right now if that is what God has for me.

It’s not something burning passion inside of me that my friends have. I don’t pray for my husband regularly.

Yes, I have a somewhat list of things I might want in a husband. I’ve met men who fill some of those characteristics.

But nothing pushing me to press in or step in to that season in life.

And I don’t want to pretend or waste energy on heart space that I might need for something else.

It might be a trust thing (you can read about that here)

It might be that I just haven’t met the one.

But until God put’s it on my heart and mind, we’re just going to leave it alone.

Like I said, I just don’t know if I want to get married.

And that’s ok.

(and yes…this says part one. I’m basically setting the stage right now. Part 2: Catherine’s smack down, the one guy I thought I could have married and the topic of children.)