(this blog is very much a ramble. It is a topic that I need to delve more into, that I need to push more into, but these are some of my thoughts on what I think it is to have the gift of prophecy and how this blog turned into talking about feedback)
I remember one night at debrief in Brasov, Romania sitting with my friend Julie sipping tea and eating microwave popcorn and pondering what the next month in Ukraine would look like and then before I could even contemplate what was coming out of my mouth, I was speaking truth to Julie, words I felt she needed to hear.
It wasn’t the first time this kind of thing had happened. I just felt that there were sentiments that God wanted me to tell her.
Nothing special in that.
Just a messenger.
Then she said something I won’t ever forget, because it was something that I never thought would be part of who I am.
“Meg, has anyone ever told you that you have the gift of prophecy?”
Who said what now?
We talked about that for a second longer but I just had it milling in my head.
I wasn’t quite sure I agreed with it.
Going on the race we had to do this little thing called “feedback” essentially speaking truth and words into the members of our team. Sometimes that was difficult and in the form of constructive feedback, hard truths that were difficult to say. I’d begun to get into this practice of praying for the people around me, not just my teammates but my squadmates, my leaders, even my friends at home.
(veracity teamtime in Chincha Peru//this is how we pray)
And I’d found that God just kept filling my spirit with words, with wisdom that I shouldn’t know about it.
If I’m being honest sometimes it wasn’t exactly the easiest.
The main feedback I got through the year was too make sure I wasn’t sugarcoating what God was telling me, which if I’m being honest, I did sometimes.
I know the saying is, “don’t shoot the messenger” but sometimes the messenger feels like they are going to get shot.
Here’s the thing:
I’m a HIGH feeler. (also key WR lingo: “What’s your MeyersBriggs?)
And I care how other people feel (sometimes too much) so to impart such a hard truth on someone, who I know well and love, is a bit too much for me sometimes. I most definitely got better at it over the months of the race though.
(feedback dice//need I say more?)
So to bring us back to the point, PROPHECY and TRUTH are two words that have followed me home in powerful ways.
I still battle with those words. Being able to speak truth to people doesn’t mean everything I say is straight out of God’s mouth. I’m just a mere person whose brain and heart can get mixed in with the words I hear from Him. Thankfully we can take the words he gives us and put them next to scripture and the things that we know is true of Him.
Because, our God is not a God of confusion.
Which is comforting.
I’ve had more than one person at this point now almost a year later from that conversation with Julie tell me that I had the gift of prophecy, of truth telling.
It’s beautiful really because I treasure words so much, and I feel like God wouldn’t bestow this on me if He thought I would haphazardly throw his words around. I pray them over before they come out of my mouth they just start flowing.
In which case I have to pause and collect them, and organize them and pray that they come across wholly as his and not mine.
And in all of this I’ve learned this: God is not always loud, sometimes He is quiet, sometimes he is not speaking. But He never isn’t there.
Delving into and praying through this gift has been a constant reminder that God is always in fact there.
From “The Big God Story” by Michelle Anthony (yes a kid’s book. I used to be a preschool coordinator at a churchJ )
“But then something strange happened….God was silent for a long time. Nearly four hundred years passed without a word from God. Just silence. But even though God was quiet, He wasn’t gone. His promise was still alive; it was just hidden”.
God has blessed in the last few weeks with the confirmation that wisdom He is allowing me to here for others is from Him. But in all of this; God has been silent about me. I think that’s where this whole topic came from, the silence from God as it pertains to my life, to my walk, to my heart. I know God is there, I know He is close by. He is just silent right now. All the things he has said before are still true, still active, still moving. His plan is still in action right now.
(beginning of month 10, Siem Reap Cambodia NSQUAD worship// another moment of silence from God)
Right now in my head, it’s a stream of words of truth for others and in the midst of that silence for myself.
And all of this rambling is just for me to say:
Silence is ok.