Before coming to Spain I had the vague idea of what I wanted to do. But mainly I just had this large pile of things that I wanted to be involved in. Passions, gifts, talents, words. Just in this bag of tricks that I lugged with me over an ocean.
I had no idea what to do with it.
A few weeks into my time in Spain we held the inaugural g42 reunion. Alumni from the first five years came from all over the globe to remember and celebrate what God had done and was doing, to lift one another up, to visit this place so many people still call home and of course to establish more vision in the next years of life.
The house I live in is the bigger of the two so we hosted ten alumni and in that group was the Harder family. Steve and Jo Harder and their beautiful boys who are missionaries to Ukraine.
Jo is a kindred spirit.
She is a powerful, strong, vibrant woman who hears wonderful, beautiful truths from God.
At the reunion kickoff we had a time of prayer and prophecy and Jo shared a word she had. She wasn’t sure who it was for but she knew she had to share it.
She shared a picture of this person who was holding all of this JAM. It was dripping out of their hands and the person wasn’t sure what to do with it all. Jo reiterated that she didn’t know who it was for, but if it was for you then to come see her.
I didn’t give it a second thought. Mainly because I was in an incredibly emotionally, overwhelmed place and also because I didn’t WANT to hear it.
(you see where this is going don’t you)
So that evening after worship was over I had two people come up and say they thought of me when the “jam hands” picture was given. Why? The week prior I had made a wedding cake and the filling? Raspberry jam.
But, like I said I wasn’t in the place or the mindset. And also like I said in this last blog; I feel as if God has been “saving thoughts” for me and this thought; this picture was one he saved for me.
A couple weeks later during class we were doing the process of identity mapping and while Zach was getting his done I suddenly had this thought:
What if I opened a secondhand bookstore?
There it was. A random thought in the middle of class on a Thursday morning.
What if I opened a secondhand bookstore and taught creative writing classes?
I wrote a little more and then stopped.
What if I taught story? Through everything in this little bookstore.
Through creative writing, through baking, through book clubs, through sharing and laughing over good food.
Since going on the world race I’ve known that for the rest of my life I want to sit across tables from people. I want to hear story and see what is going on the lives of those around me.
I am honored that I get the privilege of hearing what God is doing and being able to speak into what God is doing and where he is going in someone’s life.
I’ve also known that I want to tell my story and let other’s use it in their lives.
I want to teach things that are good for the heart. I want to use the things I have been given to speak into other’s lives.
I want to create a space out of which people can MOVE.
But my thought prior to this random moment of revelation was where in the WORLD can I do this? Is this just a lifestyle that I am going to live? Is this a ministry I will step into?
But there wasn’t enough for me in that.
And then sitting in the class in the middle of the morning I just knew.
I knew I had found something that was more.
I knew I had found something that terrified me.
I knew that I was standing there with jam on my hands
Later that same afternoon I did my identity mapping up front. And one the questions that was asked of me was this: Where do you see yourself in 30 years.
My answer: Standing on my porch.
So what does that mean?
That I own a house.
And suddenly everything that I had ever thought was gone and I was choosing to believe in myself more. Choosing to believe that I could do more then just sit across from someone at a coffee shop.
So that’s where I am going to leave this.
That’s where I am going to leave you.
With the fact that there is more for me then I ever actually thought possible.
I’m dreaming big, creating a plan to get there. It’s not a next year plan, or even two years, but a long term plan.
Dreaming, thinking and invisoning the future.
I’m here in Spain for 3 more months and would be honored if you would consider partnering with me in further what I’ve learned and done here.
To see ways that you can journey with me check this out.
I’ll leave you with a verse from class today; the prayer of Jabez. It encourages me to dream, hope, and long for more.
1 Chronicles 4:10
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.
It gives me the courage to know that I CAN do more with all this jam on my hands.