I wasn’t going to write.

I didn’t want to pin this season however long it may be anywhere.

I don’t want to look in a mirror so I really don’t want to look in the mirror that are whatever words might come out of my mouth.

Truth be told; I’m scared.

When the doctor said the phrase “Bell’s palsy” last week I actually really resisted the urge to google more than the paperwork in front of me.

The thing about googling Bell’s palsy is that people that recover quickly don’t talk about it.

I’ve been out of work all week. I’ve been dizzy and exhausted and I’ve been avoiding talking and FaceTiming and anything that is having to use my voice.

My brain is desperately wanting to check out and not have to think about any of the things.

Because at the end of the day- it’s where I am right now.

I’m trying to remember who I am, what I’m about and what I’m made of.

I’m trying to remember my strength.

So, with all that being said, I’m going to go into this next week and keep moving forward.

I’m going to choose to believe again and again and again that this is a season and from this place I’ll be stronger.

And also for now, I’ll know that I don’t always have to be strong and that if I need to cry I will (even if it’s only with one eye).

I’ll be thankful for the kind words and the care packages and the love and prayers and the humans in my life.

And I’ll do my damndest to speak even though it is really really hard.

That’s it.

That’s some guttural, real, from the pits of where I’m at this Sunday.

That’s all.

With love,

Meg