I deleted about 300 words that I wrote yesterday because I knew in my knower that I wasn’t actually typing what was true.

Well, it was true but it wasn’t it. It wasn’t the thing that I needed to be saying for myself at the beginning of this new year.

I didn’t need to start with all the ways in which I’ve always felt less than.

I didn’t need to start “used to be”.

Years ago a mentor was asking me questions about journaling and I stated that I don’t journal when I don’t want to face the thing that I already know.

I absolutely know what’s at the end of this; but I absolutely don’t want to see it in writing.

I’ve always been…scratch that.

I’m currently working on letting go of the constant fear that I’m too much.

And it’s really hard.

I’ve spent a very long time checking over my shoulder, backspacing over words, regretting input I’ve given, questioning my abilities and wondering if I’m allowed space in the places I inhabit.

Now, there’s a lot of reasons and a lot of situations and a lot of times where those things have been proved correct in my head.

But, (it should be noted how long I’m waiting to type the next words) today, at one of my favorite little bars, I’m choosing to say that those narratives and those people and those situations no longer have the ability to take my voice, my abilities or inhabit the spaces I should be in.

And if you ever want to know those things, or people or stories, I can share, but it won’t be from anything but a place of storytelling not situations that hold me back.

Because I’m not going to tiptoe around the things that make me who I am, that I’m good at.

I think it’s time I don’t shrink back anymore.

It’s time to unravel and undo the things that have caused me to keep a distance.

Today, I decide, to no longer be hesitant in being the first person to believe in myself.

I wonder what that will change?

With love,

Meg