I realized today I needed to sit and think about you for a second.
There are two things I do before I turn another year older; I scroll the photos since my last birthday and I read the letter I wrote last year.
It’s a fun way to remember all I’ve done, all the shenanigans that my friends and I got into, the trips we’ve taken, all the cheers we’ve done and everything in between.
In my letter to myself I wrote at the end that it felt like 36 had been living in winter; that I was ready to come out in the sun.
That was a little hard to read.
I know that this last year was full of hilarity and joy, full of theater and karaoke and helping with events at church and learning more and more about myself and who I am.
But, 37 has inevitably felt as if I’m trudging through the sand trying to get to the water again.
I’ll never forget this one off day on the world race in 2013. We were in Mozambique and our contacts wanted to take us to an island but what ended up happening was us trudging forever through sand and then we ended up a row boat that came with water buckets to bail the water out and took us to not the island we were meant to go to so we turned around in the rain and had to trudge back through the sand and the rising water line to go back to our van and go moments down the road to the correct place.
But, honestly on the walk back through the sand I just wanted to go back to the village, get in my tent and watch a movie.
This year felt as if I just wanted to go back and stop having to trudge the sand just to get to the next thing.
Though, just like that really random day in Mozambique- for the most part this year, I kept going.
I think it’s always the goal to get to the end of year and feel like you did something beautiful.
And as I started writing this I honestly felt discouraged.
I felt always a step behind. And that I was falling behind all these humans in my life that were experiencing good and beautiful things.
But, I’ve realized as cheesy as it sounds, my ability to keep going has been a good and beautiful thing.
I have found new parts of who I am, I’ve stood my ground, I stepped out of my comfort zone, I met some beautiful new humans, I got to go back to camp, I didn’t die on the sketchy stairs or fall through the trap door while doing a doing a kick line in a corset during Rocky, I developed a cat allergy and so many things in between.
I’ve just kept going.
And like that time in Mozambique keeping going led to some stories that I will remember for the rest of my life, I think 37 will too.
So with so much more that could be said:
For the tears, the laughter, the corsets and the times I ended up just sitting on the floor.
Thank you for the humans who have consistently pushed me along and to the ones who caused me to push myself.
Thank you for the sand.