Today seeped of a loveliness I’ve been missing. Great conversations, my first gingerbread latte of the season, an amazing church service.
And as the clock moves towards sleeping and the beginning of the week, I’m tired again. Wearied. Teary-eyed.
Changing the way you see things isn’t the easy.
And that’s what I’m currently attempting to do in all aspects of my life.
Change the way I see them. Look with new eyes.
My days, weeks, months have not been filled with victory. Nothing big, nothing noteworthy.
Mostly my immediate personal life has been inundated with what seems like nothing good for me.
(Rule #1 for 2017? Don’t talk about 2016.)
But, in Meg speak: I’m trying to learn to choose the champagne daily.
To most, champagne is something for special occasions. Popping the bubbly open means you are celebrating, you’ve been victorious, a big life moment has occurred.
But what about when none of those things have occurred? What about when you continually fail in spite of your best efforts, or there is nothing that tells you that you’ve moved onto your next phase of life.
And what if everyone around you is popping the champagne open without you?
Moving onto the next phase of life, a new job, succeeding at every step and you feel left seemingly behind holding an empty glass.
What the hell do you do?
You choose to open the damn champagne anyway.
Because if you want a life filled with celebration and victory sometimes you have to choose to see those things with new eyes.
Now, I’m not saying that we should turn champagne into the adult version of a participation trophy for adulting.
I am saying that sometimes, when you put your whole self into life, when you keep all the toddlers alive, when you crash into bed each night exhausted and the bubbles aren’t showing up themselves, maybe, just maybe, you should make the bubbles happen.
I’m not the best at giving myself grace, or cutting myself slack.
I learned this week that I’m not awesome at choosing the road that is easy even when it’s presented and ok to choose. I’m more prone to choose the hard way for myself because I feel guilty when something comes easy.
For all my event throwing, party planning and celebration of my people, I’m not great at realizing that I am worth celebrating.
I’m not great at accepting the champagne.
Truly, I don’t want to see this year for all the bad, the stress and the tears, because lovely, champagne worthy things happened.
And honestly, they are bigger, better and more bubbly because this year has been so grey.
So, what if, I chose to go into 2017, choosing to believe that even if there were the same amount of long weeks, non-personal life victories and the inability to put a kitchen aid on a registry, that I could still pop the champagne?
What if I focused on seeking my life as victory instead of the lack thereof?
I know it’s not going to be easy.
But parts of it might and I also have to be ok with that.
When we have had to work to celebrate for so long, sometimes it’s hard to see when the celebrating is right in front of you.
2016 will be known in my mind as the year I learned how to choose champagne.
Lesson two was you aren’t alone. Your people are out there. And they need you as much as you need them.
And lesson three is the one that will lead me into next year: choose the champagne.