An open letter to those who feel like they are stuck in a shame cycle,
I get you.
I get that place you are in that feels like there is nothing new on the horizon.
I get the feeling of standing in the middle of the road while the people with babies and marriages and evolving relationships and new jobs seemingly zoom by.
I get the hopelessness and the desire to not have to make your own magic.
I get that feeling of everything being the same, and not having space to breathe because of the sameness.
I get the pacing and the pondering and the second guessing over and over again.
I get the desire to cut your hair, get a tattoo, move, leave church, change jobs.
I’ve had all of those thoughts in the past month.
I know the feeling of physically carrying burdens and stress and pressure and not knowing how the hell to change it.
I understand what it’s like to not want to put any of that on someone because you don’t want to be that person.
I. Get. You.
But now, I want you to picture yourself standing in the median on a busy freeway. All the cars passing by carry all the labels that you wish you carried.
You’re so focused on those cars that you don’t break eye contact.
And then when you do, you see us.
All of us.
In the same place.
On the median.
We’re all there.
There is a lot of us.
Searching, wanting the answers to jump out of someone else’s story.
Desiring something that in all reality would be a watered down version of what we are truly meant to be in.
There is a lot of us who come and go from that median.
I think that everyone spends some time there, unable to get to the other side as the cars stream past.
I’ve been unable to form words lately, I’ve been afraid to unpack the things I’ve been carrying for fear of what might be at the bottom of the box.
I write this letter to you not to ask for help, but to say you aren’t alone.
There are a lot of us.
Trying to figure out this thing.
I write this letter to you (to me) to remind you (and me) to brush off the shame.
I write this letter to you (to me) to remind you (and me) that shame is a bitch.
Because isn’t that what it all boils down too?
Shame of not being worthy
Shame of not being enough
Shame of falling short
Shame of not hearing god
Shame of being too much
Shame of being alone
So, I write this letter to to you to remind you, right now, in this moment to tell shame to fuck off.
You are so much more than all those things.
And you are not alone.