I read a list on Instagram couple days ago that was entitled “What I wish I would have done while I was single”.

I had a small inking of hope that maybe it wouldn’t be a list of things that have nothing to do with actually being single.

Maybe it would be like “travel more. Felt less shame going out to dinner alone. Not put my entire personality into being single and waiting for someone”.

Obviously I was wrong.

The list had nothing to do with any of that.

One line read “being alone is a lonely, depressing confusing and rough place to be” and to “trust god- it’s worth it”. And “He will come through”.

Might I counter that with maybe don’t put that on single people?

Life can be rough and lonely and depressing and confusing and while yes sometimes it does have to do with being single it’s not the whole story.

And do I believe that God will “come through”? Yah, I guess kind of. I don’t know if I would use that language.

I would say that I’m walking in the path that I’m supposed to and I’ll pick up the things set down for me as they come for me.

If that’s a relationship than great.

If it’s not-great.

God is still “coming through”.

I think I could go on to list more things about how problematic I feel the churches response to singleness is.

How much we are targeted in all the wrong ways and how we feel less than on a daily basis for not being in a relationship.

(I could easily go on a rampage about single childless woman but that’s another word for another day)

This string of Instagram post about guarding your eyes for another person and choosing to better yourself in listening for another person and leaning on God for another person.

You should do all that for yourself.

There’s that moment where I realize that there are people who there whole existence is finding a partner. That they want to do all those things.

But not all of us do.

I honestly don’t know where I’m at in the life of relationship.

(I would say that I’d be fine with a cat and some plants and a good library but I’m gonna be honest I kill plants)

But at the end of the day I do want to better myself, I want to trust the spirit inside me more, I want to be kind to myself.

So…

To whom it may concern:

We’re not all waiting.

We’re not all sitting on our hands using our time to prepare for a person to come into our lives and make us whole.

Honestly we’re not making ourselves better for someone else.

We’re making ourselves better for our own selves.

With love,

A single woman